Corrections

i know what it feels like to not have any exact direction in life, not knowing where are you heading to. it sucks, always be uncertain about what's gonna happen next, always be concerned about your next plan, goal, about something that's just about to happen, but not happening yet, because you're not doing enough due to many reasons. i've been living like this for almost three years now, and believe me, there's nothing i hate more about myself and about the choice i made back then. i know i'm very young, and i just started my journey, but it's just i always believed that your first step somehow affects all the following ones. that's why i'm so insecure and even terrified about making other important decisions, i became less confident, more suspicious practically about everything: myself, my aspirations, dreams, thoughts, people around me, reasons why they are around me.

do you know the funniest and the most ironic part of that story: two months ago we were supposed to live to the fullest, enjoying ourselves and spending the best time of our lives, cause obviously that's what newly weds do. and don't get it wrong, i'm not trying to tell you i wasn't happy being with you all the time and feeling myself as a young wife of a man i completely fell in love with, it's just i saw how unhappy you were, and even though i never showed it to you, i completely understood why. you're broken and lost, and you're still trying to heal the wounds. and i could feel in my bones that i wasn't enough for that.

it wasn't an easy start for us, two completely different people, who have so little in common, but still who have feelings for each other. well i hope you do, because i'm currently driven by them. i just wanted you to know that i believe that we can work it all out, become best friends, closest people among all the others in our lives, including the ones from the past. because, well, you have the past, and it's a huge one. i don't want you to feel like you're living with the little stupid girl you can not count on or talk to. i do want you to count on me, to share everything with me, to be my support and my guidance, because i'm willing to give all the same to you. i want you to trust me, it's a crucial part of any relationship, you simply can't connect with a person if your relationships are not built on a trust. i realised it better than anything else couple of months ago. and it should be mutual. i want you to tell me everything that worries you, pisses you off, makes you feel sad, insecure, unsatisfied or unwanted. i don't believe damien rice, i do want to change if that's what is needed, and i need you to feel the same way about our, hopefully, long journey. just don't be distant, cause that's what i'm trying to do so hard. despite the fact that i'm not good at it and never have been. i'm telling you all that because i just wanted to make one point clear: according to my beliefs and my system of values, love is the most important and beautiful gift that one can have. i can't find any other proper reason to live happily ever after, for me it's the key to heaven on earth, well if it's not the heaven already.