Korreksies

the most difficult relationship is a relationship with a person who's totally convinced that he's right, who can't see obvious things, who refuses to listen.

let's get it straight: what kind of person am i? selfish, narcissistic, hypocritical, way too confident, easily influenced. you formed such a miserable, and most importantly, wrong opinion about me, you think that you see me all the way through. that i'm a little spoiled stupid irresponsible insincere girl, who seeks for attention, others' admiration, and knows nothing about loyalty, modesty and real love. you think that i admire kardashians, spend most of the time looking at some dumb pictures in instagram and probably worshiping myself. that's how my husband sees me, the man who decided to share his lifetime with me. of course under the ugliest circumstances, forced by his family. you didn't say it for no reason, that you haven't done anything in your entire life for yourself, right?

but it all seems differently from my perspective. you hate your life for not having this luxury do design it all by yourself. you hate me for not being someone you really loved, someone you still care about. this is what makes you so angry, so nervous, aggressive and incapable of thinking objectively. you found another way to convince yourself that you're the unhappiest person on earth: you put such an effort into finding anything bad about me, something worse than the things i already told you.

but maybe you should listen more, or ask me more about myself. i know you're not really interested, since you have never even asked me about my favourite books, movies, plays, artists, songs, anything. you don't really care about my plans, my aspirations, my beliefs, my views on life in general. you keep searching for something that can prove you that you're not with the right person. but i feel like i need to finally tell you who i am.

let's start with my "friends". they don't affect me, mainly because of the amount of time that we spend together. we see each other about 3-4 times a year, when we both are in the same city, we meet up, talk about latest news, ask each other if everything's going well and sometimes refresh memories of the past, because our childhood is the only thing that we still have in common. tell me, don't you have absolutely the same relationships with your friends? you don't wear cartier love bracelets or hipster-like glasses like harry does, you don't think that money is your main aspiration in life, like jackie does, you're different, but still, you constantly keep in touch and spend far more time with them than i do with my friends.

as for the more specific points. i still remember that you're not interested, but i want you to pay attention anyway. my favourite books are: 1.

"generation p" by the most talented and at the same time underestimated russian writer, viktor pelevin, who tells about consumerism as the main reason of numerous social, economical, ecological and mental degradation. i still find myself desperately crying and laughing while reading the same chapter, that's how memorable and special he is to me. 2.

"Farewell to Autumn" by Stanislaw Witkiewicz, absolutely insane person who used to write about mental destruction and its advantages. i love the way he criticises the world around him. he sees every little defect and constructively reminds the reader that we're no better, that no matter how extraordinary someone can look like, we all seek out love, connection, fulfilment, at the same time shitting ourselves and inevitably getting closer to our graves. 3.

"dark avenues" by ivan bunin, person who explains the nature of love just the way i see it. beautifully written pieces, the golden age of russian literature. 4.

"what we talk about when we talk about love" by raymond carver, it's a collection of short stories about love, lust and affection towards people you really care about. it's that kind of book that makes you feel special.

my favourite movies: 1.

"the legend of 1900" by giuseppe tornatore, the most talented film director ever lived. 2.

"the best offer" by him as well. 3.

"perfect sense" by dave mackenzie, 4.

"eyes wide shut" by kubrick, and 5.

"memento" by christopher nolan. cartoon: "spirit, stallion of the cimarron".

the play that made me cry: "three comrades" based on a book by erich maria remarque. artists: arkhip kuindzhi, rene magritte, thomas sanchez and sophie elbaz. favourite song: "good night" by kino, favourite music: "3055" by olafur arnalds". photographers: alex strohl, gregory woodman, dylan furst.

did you know any of these facts? i bet you didn't and it doesn't really bother you.